translate:
“Finally, in need of funds for his growing paint sniffing addiction and love of the delicious HOT TO TROT TATER TOTS, WaffleIron turned to the worst crime known to Man…THEFT THROUGH ASSAULT AND BATTERY.”
You are stunned, speechless.
“It was at this point when the monstrous flower of WaffleIron’s hate fully blossomed, and the terror of our time revealed himself fully to our NATION. It was also around this point when the honorable daughter of the Precious family found her way into the iron soaked talons of this rabid beast known as WaffleIron!”
Regaining your composure you look again upon the sturdy figure of your narrator, his steadfastness strengthens your resolve.
“During his first state to state mugging rampage was when WaffleIron laid his sickening, blood lusting eyes upon the youthful visage of Lars Precious. Alarmed, confused, and profoundly aroused… Lars gazed back upon the villainous behemoth.”
“‘How, how, HOW could this have happen?’ You may be wondering?”
You nod your head in agreement.
“How did they meet? How could this happen?… This is HOW, my curious friend!”
“After a disgraceful day of stomping pet poodles walked by unsuspecting Nannies, WaffleIron took a rest outside a very fancy Diner he could ill afford. While he ruggedly used a switchblade to flick dog parts out from his steel-toed boots, he looked up and saw what we all love to see… a beautiful young American woman… Lars Precious… the daughter of the Precious family.
“Some would mistake what happened next as, how does the saying go, ‘love at first sight’. But make no mistake, my friend, there is NO love when the Devil’s concerned.”
